Is it wrong to want to pay myself through college - United Bimmer Community

**ChrisWorrell** · 07-21-2006, 08:52 PM

I decided tonight that I want to pay myself through college, I don't want to take money from my parents or have them pay for it. Anytime there is anything that deals with me and money, my parents always end up arguing and fighting over it, the way the relationship is, my mom is always the one that ends up crying, yadayada, so when I leave in a month I want that gone completely. I don't want them to have to spend anymore money on me for anything.

I told this to my mom and she is really upset saying that the one thing she has always wanted to do was pay my way through college.

So should I leave things how they are and let them pay, or should I break myself away and do it myself, so that this money issue does not cause them to fight anymore.

**Spieluhr** · 07-21-2006, 08:58 PM

hmmm. hard to say.

if it was something they wanted to do, let them take care of it. Everyone fights once in a while, maybe they just need you to mediate.

or maybe if you want to help, offer to pay for books, or room and board, or something.

**CAPiTUL** · 07-21-2006, 08:58 PM

I think you answered your own question. You are an adult, do what you feel you must. If it comes down to you NOT being able to continue college because of limited finances, I say dont be foolish and look into assistance. But if you think you can swing it and that it is something you should do, I say give it a shot.

**Chris** · 07-21-2006, 09:50 PM

Don't do it all at once... They're learning to let go in a way. Start off your first year paying for part on your own, sophmore year take over more and then junior and senior year, carry the full weight on your own. Remember, they're still learning to let go, regardles of what your relationship with them is like.

**Cellardoor** · 07-21-2006, 10:20 PM

^^agreed^^ its a big change for everyone and i say if it doesnt kill u to much let them at least help u out a bit first year or so.

-Hutch-

**Dudesky** · 07-22-2006, 06:31 AM

As much as I hate to say it, you're probably not the best judge of the situation. To paraphrase developmental psychology, college is a crossroad for most, and it causes considerable anxiety about the future and conflicts about continuing dependence on parents. You don't wanna confuse that with what's really going on. Often times, kids mistakenly attribute their parents' fighting to themselves. The reality is more like your parents are sorting out their differences in parenting styles, and has little to do with you. You're not the cause of the arguments, neither is money, and your leaving is not what will solve the problem. It's normal and healthy for parents to fight or argue, but how much they hurt over it could be a good indicator of whether they should seek help to better understand their issues. You can try to help, either financially or emotionally, but don't bear the weight of this; it really isn't up to you to fix

Too deep? I'll just STFU now

**Rooz** · 07-22-2006, 11:23 AM

I paid for my last semester

**94bmw325i** · 07-22-2006, 05:36 PM

possibly start by paying books? Then slowly pay for dorm room, etc, a little more each semester?

nick_318is · 07-22-2006, 07:05 PM

Its not wrong that you want to pay for it yourself, however, I would suggest looking at both sides of the situation, coming out of school with no debts is a huge plus.

Putting yourself through I think would give it more value and help to force you to do well, because you dont want to just be throwing your money away.

I also like the idea of gradually paying for more.

I think both sides have their ups and downs, goodluck deciding.

witeshark · 07-23-2006, 01:29 PM

I would let my mom help out so she feels like she's doing something for it

**BMWLotAttendant** · 07-23-2006, 01:39 PM

I think that is a HUGE step...and a big responsibilty.

My parents made a deal with me...I pay 10% and books. (Around $600-$800). They want me to not worry about having to work AND go to school. So that I can focus more on school.

The job I have right now, is for gas money and fun things to do with friends on the weekends (dinner, movies, concerts, etc.)

I suggest letting them pay for it....if not all, at least some to take the stress and debt you are going to be going into if you don't have enough saved up right now.

College is expensive, and you'll find that out real quick.

Good luck and keep us updated.

**RealBmw 02** · 07-23-2006, 02:40 PM

I agree with all who say that you should gradually take on financial responsibility. College is a lot of work. More work than most incoming students really anticipate. You only get one chance at getting good grades and you don't want to jeopordize that by taking on too hard of a work load. I would suggest working all summer before your first semester and then not working at all during that first semester. That way you get a few months to fully adjust to the atmoshpere and work load. After you are up to speed you can start to work and pay for things yourself.

Just remember that your grades and schoolwork should come first before a job.

**xsperf** · 07-23-2006, 03:39 PM

no, but its wrong to upset your parents(in most cases)

**RSF5** · 07-23-2006, 03:45 PM

yeah my dad doesn't want me to have a job freshman year, after that he says I better get my ass working though.

drz · 07-24-2006, 02:33 PM

<edit>Wanting to pay your way through college is not wrong. However, please consider:</edit>

My dad paid for tuition, room & board, and food. I decided that he wouldn't have to cover for anything that wasn't a necessity. Of course, given that I was an international student, my ability to produce income was reduced to $1,500/yr, so I didn't have many options.

I think that the wise thing to do is to accept their help, but to take care of as much as you possibly can without loading yourslef with too much work. A friend of mine in college decided he didn't want his parents' help. That was back in 1999, when we were both freshmen. He still hasn't graduated, and I doubt he has completed the equivalent of three full years of college.

If your parents are willing and able to help, I say set any pride aside and accept their help. Just be sure to work some to take care of any luxuries/vacations, etc., and don't take their help for granted.

Most of the people that I know that have been able to retain sanity while going to school and have decided to pay their own way are peopel that are now facing student loan debt. I say avoid that debt if at all possible.

Good luck with all this.