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Why Mr. T > Chuck Norris > Vin Diesel (wtf harry?)
survived a roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck Norris. He was the first and
only one to do so. However, he barely survived.
incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his genetic code
doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact, nothing but
the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this
edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's
history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words
"Right Behind You" written on it.
doesn't obey the second law of thermodynamics. It obeys
T, the alphabet only had 25 letters.
Mr. T is
allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through
hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can triangulate the
exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains can then transmit
pity to those coordinates.
time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next
proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human
Mr. T was
fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting
popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear
his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
end of the world comes, it won't be referred to as "Judgment Day". Rather, it
shall be called "T-Day", when Mr. T ends the world by simultaneously pitying all
six billion fools on this planet to death.
Mr. T made
his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum
physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically
engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed
the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot
rejoiced as President George W. Bush was elected to office, as the coming
administration would assure that he would never run out of fools to
When Mr. T
cuts onions, it's the onions doing the crying.
Manhattan Project really did not create the atom bomb, but instead put the pity
Mr. T distributes, in a bottle and then dropped it on Japan.
Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he
turns into Mr. T.
Mr. T took
Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big
If you were
ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two
hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the
Laden isn't hiding from the US, he's hiding from Mr.
invented cryogenics for the sole purpose of turning fools into Pity Pops, which
he then sells to buy more gold chains.
defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Mr
T loves you.
vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchprase "We PETA the
fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his catch phrase,
Mr. T founded McDonalds.
Mr. T once
got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had
cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and