News from the year 2029
 

I'm not sure if this belongs in OT or the comedy lounge, so I'll start it here and when it dies down, move it over to comedy.

Here's the news headlines from 2029. :lol

* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.

* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

* Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

* Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.

* Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

* Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

* France pleads for global help after being over taken by Jamaica.

* Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

* George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

* Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

* 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss.

* Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

* Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

* Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

* Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

* Florida voters still don't know how to use a voting machine.

:lmao

Wow! All are super funny :lol :lmao

Lmao some are probaby going to be true

AHAHAHAHAH thats awesome

*all cars except for bmw's have wasted away due to "cost-cutting" in the manufacturing process*

:rock

:lmao :lol

those are awesome

* Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

uhoh! haha im seriously expecting it.


* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

sadly im expecting that too