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United Off Topic **FOR MEMBERS ONLY**Chat about whatever! Off-topic chat forum. (Be sure to appropriately title posts that are NWS)
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1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.
2. Nice legs...what time do they open?
3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
7. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher: have you seen one?
8. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
9. Want to play war? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Wal Mart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
11. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
13. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
14. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
15. Are those real?
16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
19. (Look down at your crotch) Well It's not just going to suck itself.
20. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
21. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
22. **** me if I'm wrong, but is your name Sherry Titsbottom?
23. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
24. My name is Brandon...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.
25. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
26. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
27. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
28. Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
29. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.
30. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
31. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
32. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?
33. Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.
34. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???
35. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.
36. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
37. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.
38. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.
39. Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
40. "Nice Shoes." Wanna ****?
41. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
42. My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going.
43. Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way right away.
44. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
45. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
46. Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long.
47. Hey, I lost my #. Can i have urs?
48. Hey, I lost my address. Can i have urs?
49. If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, I could visit you between the Holidays.
50. I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
51. Hi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?
52. The fact that I'm missing my teeth just means that there's more room for your tongue.
53. Guy: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Girl: "Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore."
54. GUY: "Did it hurt when u fell?" GIRL: "Fell from whur?" GUY: "From heaven."
55. I lost my virginity. Can I have urs?
56. GUY: "Wanna sit on my lap? U can tell me the 1st thing that pops up."
Girl: "No sorry, I dont like short story's."
57. I'd buy u a drink but then i'd b jealous of the glass.
58. Im sorry i was so rude before but its difficult for me to express myself when im on the verge of exploding in my pants.
59. GUY: Do u like cds? GIRL: Ya y? GUY: How would u like to c deese nuts in ur mouth?
60. (Looking up and down at girl) How u dooooin?
61. Guy: Hey baby what's your sign?
Girl: DO NOT ENTER!
62. Guy: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Girl: Would you please stay there?
63. Guy: If I saw you naked, I would die happy.
Girl: If I saw you naked, I would die laughing.
64. Guy: How long did it take you to get here from Heaven?
Girl: As long as it will take you to go to hell.
65. Guy: Hey, would you like to go on a date?
Girl: Yeah, with that guy over there. Could you go ask him for me?
66. All those curves, and me with no brakes.
67. If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
68. You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
69. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
70. The first time is always the hardest.
71. Hi there. Do you spit or swallow?
72. Hey babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks?
73. Wanna **** like bunnies?
74. GUY: Have you got a little Irish/German/Spanish/Italian/etc in you? GIRL: Uh...no... GUY: Well, do you want some?
75. Hey baby, let's go back to my place and get something straight between us
76. Hi. I go down on the first date...how about you?
77. Excuse me. Do you wanna **** or should I apologize?
78. I hope you have a library card because I'm checking you out.
79. Is your dad a terrorist? Cause baby your da bomb!
80. Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.
81. If I could change the alphabet I would put U & I together.
82. GUY: Your body's like a temple. GIRL: Sorry, there are no services today.
83. GUY: Wanna know how big my penis is? GIRL: I'm sure that its just as big as mine.
84. Are you a Pokemon?? Cuz i'd sure like a pikachu!
85. **** playing doctor do you want to play gynocologist?
86. Wanna play midget boxing? You get down on your knees and give me a couple blows!
87. Baby, you're like a championship bass. I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!
88. So long as we're in the theatre....why don't we get some play?
89. If you were ice cream and I were hot chocolate I'd pour all my love onto you.
90. Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?
91. I'll be the 6 n u be the 9.
92. If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have a 5 cents.
93. Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?
94. Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
95. Are those space jeans? Because your ass is outta this world.
96. Are u tired? Cause you've been runing through my mind all day.
97. Hey baby, you are like a pot of gold... Hard to get and hard to hold.
98. Do you know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie-pop? Wanna find out?
99. Let's make out so I can see if you taste as good as you look!
100. You are the hottest thing since
101. I'm a used car but you can still drive me!
102. My bed is broken. Can I sleep in yours?
103. Wanna play fireman? We can stop, drop and roll.
104. Can I have a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
105. I'll give you a nickel if u tickle my pickle...
106. Quick, somebody call the cops, you just stole my heart.
107. Your legs are like peanut butter, smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.
108. Save water, shower with me!
"Did you just fart? (No, why?) Cause you just blew me away"
If I follow you home will you keep me?
"Here’s a quarter call your mom and tell her your not coming home tonight!"
"Fancy a raisin...No. How about a date?"
(Go up to the person you think is attractive) "Your eyes are the same color as my corvette."
Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
You look like a big glass of water and I sure am thirsty!
They say life is like a box of chocolates--oh yes-- I think I just found the juiciest and best tasting one yet!
(Walk over to her)"Ok, you can stand next to me, as long as you don't talk about it."
Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What? (Reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP!
Hey baby... drop that zero and get with the hero in other words... you better come with me.
Which one of the Spice girls are you?
My love for you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in.
I can see you. [Uh, yeah.] Great! Then how about tomorrow.
For what sort of person are you looking? Wait- don't tell me: medium height, blue eyes, etc...
Drive around like a car and make screeching sounds and say "Uh, sorry, my uh, breaks aren't working well. Where are you headed?
It's not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.
Um, you have really beautiful.....uh....eyes, yea. You are pretty. What I mean is... You have a nice forehead. (Messing Up) Do you believe in when I walk by..... (To yourself) Oh Man, STUPID STUPID STUPID!
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!
Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
I feel like Richard Gere, I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.
I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off!
Wow! Are those real?
You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how many time have you been married? Twice.
You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
You are the reason men fall in love.
I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
Are we related? Do you want to be?
I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.
I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
You remind me of a girl I used to date.
Your name is Laura, huh? Can I call you Laura? Really, what time?
You remind me of a girl I used to date.
Are my undies showing? Answer: "No." You: "Would you like them to?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would flip the M and W (double you).
If belly buttons were a status symbol, then baby you would be God.
I am not a queen but I'll give you something royal.
I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you."
You're like a Pringle. Once I pop ya, I can't stop ya.
Excuse me, but do you have the temperature?
Hi, do you speak English? (yes.) Oh, me too.
Is that baby oil on your forehead? Cause you shine like an angel.
Excuse me, but I think I left your sunglasses in your pocket. Mind if I check?
Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?
Bond. James Bond.
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her.
Did it hurt? Woman: Did what hurt? When you fell out of heaven?
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!
I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
I have only three months to live...
I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.
Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
What time do you have to be back in heaven?
What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
What's your sign?
BOB BARKER PICKUP LINES.
Come back to my place so I can give you a lovely parting gift.
Baby, you're the next contestant in the game of love.
The next item up for bid is in my pants.
How'd you like a years supply of Turtle Wax.
I've made thousands of women scream and jump up and down.
Please have dinner with me. I'm a very lonely man.
Maybe it'll be easier for you to guess the price of the waterbed if we test it out first.
Don't worry--I've been neutered.
Come on down.
You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.
Good candy isn`t made... it`s just born.
Do you believe in love at first site, or do I have to walk by again?
Would you like to dance? [she says "no"] No, you must have misunderstood me, I SAID, you look fat in those pants!
Is that a mirror in your pocket, because I can see myself in your pants.
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
If I said you have a great body would you hold it against me?
What do you say we go back to my place and play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the heck out of me!
Want to play lion? (She asks, "What's that?") That's where you get down on all fours and growl like a lion while I feed you the meat!
If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.
Walk up to a girl who is standing and say, "You look tired, let me clear you off a place to sit" then wipe your face.
Wanna play house? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long!
It's always good for you to see me again.
My wife/husband just doesn't understand me.
I know where there is a good party. They've got liquor in the front and poker in the rear.
(speak this silently with mouth) I want a fig newton.
Do you want cheesy lines or do you just want to do it? .
So, Is it safe to say I'm gonna score?
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Happy hour's over but it's still going strong at my place.
Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.
Say, did we go to different schools together?
Would you like to dance or should I go f*** myself again?
Do you like clocks? (if yes) put two hands and a face on this. (pointing down)
Excuse me, maam, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?