*You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.
*You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
*Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
*You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission
*DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
*Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
*A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
*Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
*The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
*Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1".
*Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.
*You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
*You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.
*You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
*You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
*You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
*Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...
*The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
*You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
*You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
*You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.
*You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
*You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
*If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
*if you can fit fist fùck your exhaust tip
*You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!
*If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.
*Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second *faster due to weight savings.
*EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.
*You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang
*You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
*You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the *Chevy Corvette.
*The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.
*If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
*You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance
*If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
*If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
*If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.
*If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.
*Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive (the first sign of mental retardation, wearing your clothes backwards... BE).
*You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...
*If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.
*If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.
*MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
*Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
*Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")
*The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.
*If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
*If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.
*If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
*You think pushrods are a bad thing…
*Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.
*Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
*You took your rear seat out and gutted your interior for weight savings but you installed 400 *pounds of electronics, neon, DVD, Sony, etc.
*If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…
*You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that everytime you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
*You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
*If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
*You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
*If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance" went hand in hand
*If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
*If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…
*If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...
*If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...
*You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and it's peeling. Badly.
*You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.
*You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
*If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
*You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool
*You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible
*If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers
*If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators
*You have a front wing.
*If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers
*If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™
*If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool
*If you think colored head lights work better
*If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it
*You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch
*You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
*You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.
*You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.
*You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..
*Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.
*Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills".
*you are a white kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."
*drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
*You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring
*You take offense when I say.. "your sister is like your car.. small, tight, and hard to get into."