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Comedy Collection
Post up anything funny you find online here. Could be flash videos, amusing websites, text jokes, anything.

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Old 06-30-2006, 10:32 AM   #1
EnvyM3
 
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Talking Total woman ownage

Hope this isn't a repost.....it's absolutely priceless
___________________________________________

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
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Old 06-30-2006, 10:36 AM   #2
celsdogg
 
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nice. pwned.
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Old 06-30-2006, 10:39 AM   #3
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AHAHAHA thats fucking awsome!
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Old 06-30-2006, 10:41 AM   #4
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That's a great one!
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Old 06-30-2006, 01:29 PM   #5
c1apton
 
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Right On Envy! That is PERFECT! - New "manlaw"
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Old 06-30-2006, 01:36 PM   #6
Hoppy
 
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wow. i just love the closing phrase thats awesome
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RSF5
Well yeah, the BATFE is like the Anti Hoppy.
Well hey, hey Mr. Policeman
Bet I can drive faster than you can
Come on Hoss, let's have some fun
Go on shoot me with your radar gun
You look bored and I sure am
Catch me if you can.
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Old 06-30-2006, 01:42 PM   #7
c1apton
 
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Talk about "bitch-slap" and it didn't leave a physical scar - give that man a medal
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Old 06-30-2006, 02:18 PM   #8
xsperf
 
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hahahaha, good one
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Old 06-30-2006, 03:57 PM   #9
Cellardoor

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holy shit . That is all.

-Hutch-
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Old 06-30-2006, 10:48 PM   #10
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Last edited by nick_318is; 06-30-2006 at 10:50 PM..
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Old 07-01-2006, 02:31 AM   #11
DEATH2000
 
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Dude thats fucking priceless.......
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Old 07-01-2006, 01:57 PM   #12
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farking beautifully played.

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Old 07-01-2006, 02:58 PM   #13
BMWLotAttendant

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DEATH2000
Dude thats fucking priceless.......
Perfectly said.

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Old 07-04-2006, 07:07 PM   #14
TJsBimm

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Way to lay the shit straight that was well played bro
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Old 07-04-2006, 10:57 PM   #15
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now that fucking rocks!!!
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