Go Back   United Bimmer Community - BMW Forum > UnitedBimmer- Off Topic > United Off Topic  **FOR MEMBERS ONLY** > Comedy Collection
FAQ Members List Calendar Advertise With Us Mark Forums Read

Comedy Collection
Post up anything funny you find online here. Could be flash videos, amusing websites, text jokes, anything.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-06-2005, 01:27 PM   #1
komodo
 
komodo's Avatar

Name: komodo
Title: Administrator
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Athens, GA
Rate My Car: 68 / 340
Your Ride: 1995 M3
When Hell Freezes Over

*This is a really old joke, but I'm posting it for anyone who hasn't read it before. It's still amusing. *

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions, and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God".

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
__________________

  Reply With Quote
Old 05-06-2005, 01:41 PM   #2
craig
 
craig's Avatar

Name: craig
Title: Sitting in Time out
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: tribune kansas
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-06-2005, 01:43 PM   #3
Torque
 
Torque's Avatar

Name: Torque
Title: Lawl.
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Louisville, KY
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
Your Ride: '00 Impreza
hhahahahaha smart guy
__________________

  Reply With Quote
Old 05-06-2005, 10:11 PM   #4
witeshark
 
witeshark's Avatar

Name: witeshark
Title: Suspended License
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Miami FL
Rate My Car: 84 / 340
Your Ride: 89 325i 5 speed
That was actually well worth the read!
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-11-2005, 07:10 PM   #5
528man

Name: 528man
Title: Senior Member
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Greensboro, NC 27407-5254
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
haha he got pretty close to the "dont write that to a professor" line
__________________
1997 528i
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-18-2005, 04:00 AM   #6
Spieluhr

Name: Spieluhr
Title: ///M Driven
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Snohomish, Washington
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
damn. and i was under the influence that only bright kids got into the university of washington. jk, because that kid had to be pretty quick to come up with that.
__________________

BMW, The Ultimate Driving Machine
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-18-2005, 01:31 PM   #7
EnvyM3
 
EnvyM3's Avatar

Name: EnvyM3
Title: DSC OFF!
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Manchester, NH
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
Your Ride: 2005 545i SMG
OMFG that guy is absolutely brilliant....many e-props to him
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-18-2005, 03:32 PM   #8
94bmw325i
 
94bmw325i's Avatar

Name: 94bmw325i
Title: Hellrot325
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Newark, Delaware
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
Your Ride: 94 bmw 325i, 97 vw golf
Very good explanations
__________________
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-18-2005, 04:58 PM   #9
Rooz

Name: Rooz
Title: Upgraded Member
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Charlotte, NC
Rate My Car: 5 / 340
Your Ride: 2003 M5
hella funny, good read, lol
__________________



VIEW MOD LIST & PICS

I am worth $2,010,238 on HumanForSale.com

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregg
Umnitza now provides a mechanic to install all parts ordered right in the box! It's their new "Total customer service program" that will eliminate all the haters and keep incompetents from breaking **** and blaming the vendor! When you are all set simply call INS and they will pick him up free of charge.
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My car exploded, and other hell from the past two days. (pics) komodo E36 120 02-17-2006 12:31 PM
WHAT THE HELL, how does the dealer loose your keys? nick_318is United Off Topic  **FOR MEMBERS ONLY** 17 01-16-2006 05:58 PM
My Paintball Pics 56k Hell no Mark United Off Topic  **FOR MEMBERS ONLY** 25 09-21-2005 04:09 AM
ABS Light from HELL!!! So it's on again after the dealer fixed it! delmarco E36 7 08-06-2005 10:04 AM
Sand Storm From HELL in Al Asad, Iraq (pics anti-56k) Turbodefrost United Off Topic  **FOR MEMBERS ONLY** 10 05-23-2005 10:37 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:43 PM.

A vBSkinworks Design

 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright © 2005-2013 UnitedBimmer.com