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Comedy Collection
Post up anything funny you find online here. Could be flash videos, amusing websites, text jokes, anything.

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Old 04-27-2006, 11:39 PM   #1
xsperf
 
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Name: xsperf
Title: United Baller
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Syracuse, NY
Rate My Car: 185 / 340
Your Ride: 95 325is
Dear Employees;

Dear Employees

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course
of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints
received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of
language will be no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the
critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings
when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that

proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective
manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing do you.

2) TRY SAYING: She's
an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting b____.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shi__ing me!

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a s___.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f__ing problem.

8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his
head up his a__.

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat s___ and die.

13) TRY SAYING: So you were not happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

14) TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I'm on salary.

15) TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks!!

17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
NSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

18 ) TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.

Thank You,

Human Resources
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Originally Posted by c1apton
I keep forgetting that - I have a great memory but it doesn't last long

CRS disease = Can't Remeber Shit
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Old 04-27-2006, 11:52 PM   #2
witeshark
 
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Name: witeshark
Title: Suspended License
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Miami FL
Rate My Car: 84 / 340
Your Ride: 89 325i 5 speed
Nice!
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Old 04-28-2006, 12:06 AM   #3
Numark318i
 
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Name: Numark318i
Title: has an empty wallet
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: The Only place in the world where people say "Hella"
Rate My Car: 125 / 340
Your Ride: ^^
haha
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We all get the urge...Saturday early morning...nothing to do till noon... BMW FTW

The aural sensations of 1st gear WOT
**CGM **(Certified Garage Mechanic)
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Old 04-28-2006, 06:32 AM   #4
Dudesky

Name: Dudesky
Title: Run Far
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Jersey City, NJ
Rate My Car: 106 / 340
Your Ride: E39 530iA
__________________
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Old 04-28-2006, 10:28 AM   #5
Storamin
 
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Name: Storamin
Title: Road Kill
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
Your Ride: 1994 325is, 2000 z3 2.3
funny
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Old 04-28-2006, 10:55 AM   #6
DEATH2000
 
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Name: DEATH2000
Title: Moderator
Status: Offline
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Rate My Car: 111 / 340
Your Ride: 1998 E36 328i sedan
nice
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VIEW MY E36 BLOG HERE

New to United Bimmer? Check out our Introductions and Greetings Section and introduce yourself today!

E36 Bentley Manual PDF download avilable HERE
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Old 04-28-2006, 11:48 AM   #7
nick_318is
 
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Name: nick_318is
Title: Suspended License
Status: Offline
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Detroit, MI, I Heart E30s
Rate My Car: 10 / 340
Your Ride: 1991 318is (e30 m42), 2007 Mazdaspeed 3
Thats pretty good
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Old 04-28-2006, 09:32 PM   #8
Rooz

Name: Rooz
Title: Upgraded Member
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Charlotte, NC
Rate My Car: 5 / 340
Your Ride: 2003 M5
Am going to start using those
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregg
Umnitza now provides a mechanic to install all parts ordered right in the box! It's their new "Total customer service program" that will eliminate all the haters and keep incompetents from breaking **** and blaming the vendor! When you are all set simply call INS and they will pick him up free of charge.
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