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Comedy Collection
Post up anything funny you find online here. Could be flash videos, amusing websites, text jokes, anything.

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Old 04-26-2006, 05:44 PM   #1
c1apton
 
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Name: c1apton
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Pompano Beach,Fl /Edina,Mn
Rate My Car: 134 / 340
Your Ride: 93 E34
Things To Ponder - ???

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow in trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts?" Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?** *****

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? < /I>

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

Or watch a white thing come out a chicken's behind and think, "that ought to taste good."

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for you license, are you going to be smiling?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney Worl d the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when! you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride he sticks his head out the window?
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Old 04-26-2006, 08:48 PM   #2
Cellardoor

Name: Cellardoor
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ahahaah good one man ! thanks for the share!

-Hutch-
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If life passes you by...............Downshift
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Old 04-26-2006, 09:38 PM   #3
witeshark
 
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Name: witeshark
Title: Suspended License
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Miami FL
Rate My Car: 84 / 340
Your Ride: 89 325i 5 speed
Yeah that is awesome!
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Old 04-27-2006, 06:09 AM   #4
Dudesky

Name: Dudesky
Title: Run Far
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Location: Jersey City, NJ
Rate My Car: 106 / 340
Your Ride: E39 530iA
Quote:
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
I'm gonna put that up outside my cubicle (my boss can't spell).
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Old 04-27-2006, 06:32 AM   #5
c1apton
 
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Name: c1apton
Title: Upgraded Member
Status: Offline
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Pompano Beach,Fl /Edina,Mn
Rate My Car: 134 / 340
Your Ride: 93 E34
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dudesky
I'm gonna put that up outside my cubicle (my boss can't spell).
Just as long as he/she correctly spells your name on the checks - is all that matters (while you're there right?)
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Old 04-27-2006, 06:42 AM   #6
Dudesky

Name: Dudesky
Title: Run Far
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Location: Jersey City, NJ
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Your Ride: E39 530iA
Fortunately, he's not the one who signs them. In a recent memo, he mentioned that Mimorial Day was a holiday But it's so embarrassing when he corresponds with other vendors for us
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Old 04-27-2006, 06:58 AM   #7
celsdogg
 
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Name: celsdogg
Title: never gonna happen
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: MD
Rate My Car: 131 / 340
Your Ride: BMW E30, Subaru BE, Cannondale M400
omigod, flippin idiot. we have a guy like that at work, but he is a programmer. . .
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Old 04-27-2006, 07:37 AM   #8
c1apton
 
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Name: c1apton
Title: Upgraded Member
Status: Offline
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Pompano Beach,Fl /Edina,Mn
Rate My Car: 134 / 340
Your Ride: 93 E34
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dudesky
Fortunately, he's not the one who signs them. In a recent memo, he mentioned that Mimorial Day was a holiday But it's so embarrassing when he corresponds with other vendors for us
Sounds like he went to school to get an "Ed-ju-Macation" and they taught him how to use a "cal-q-mulater". Still not as bad as the guy who told us our PA speakers had "extorsion"...
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