Go Back   United Bimmer Community - BMW Forum > UnitedBimmer-General BMW Topics > Kill Stories
FAQ Members List Calendar Advertise With Us Mark Forums Read

Kill Stories It is so pleasant to work with experts. Visit this page to find out more regarding uçak biletleri.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 04-07-2006, 10:00 AM   #1
Section_8
 
Section_8's Avatar

Name: Section_8
Title: United Newb
Status: Offline
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The ATL
Rate My Car: 42 / 340
Your Ride: 2000 Alpine Weiss Snail
Old School: Metro versus Festiva

Oldie but goodie, It's friday and I needed a laugh, thought I would share.


I borrowed my wife's Geo Metro last night. One liter of raw power, 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock, alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of metro around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by surprise ...

I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino blast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a streetlight.

As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my bold beverage and wiped the white froth from my stiff upper lip. I was minding my own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane. I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition.

Ford Festiva -- a late model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curb feelers, and schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure.

The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am *damn* cool, hence...), the night was split with the sound of seven screaming cylinders ...

Then the light turned ... I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke pouring from my front right tire ... my unlimited slip differential was letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining, and I heard the roar of his four cylinders.

He slung by me, right front wheel juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his 0.7 extra liters of motor stretched its legs. I kept my foot gamely in it, though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge (no tachometer here!) instrument panel.

I saw a glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and knew the ugly truth ... He was running a custom exhaust -- probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust ... even cutouts! Damn his hot-rod soul!

The old lady passing us on the crosswalk cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction ... Yet still I persisted, with my three pumping pistons singing a heady high-pitched song, wound fully out. Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the crosswalk at the other side of the intersection, and I heard the note of his engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift!

I rocketed by, shifting, and nursed the clutch gently in to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one wheel *almost* chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch.

We careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per hour. A bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted an eye.

He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot circle. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6" chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little to take the next corner.

I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed, I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in carpet. Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo ease onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear wheel slowly leave the ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up front, were pulling me through the corner, and around the Festiva...

The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my wife's car eased past him on the outside, my P165/R13's screaming in protest, as we raced to the next light. We coasted down, neck-and neck, to the red light. I tightened my driving gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car meekly flipped his turn signal and made a right.

Chevy (Suzuki) superiority reigns!

I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking for other unwitting targets .... Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Volkswagon Van!
__________________
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2006, 10:20 AM   #2
scrichy84

Name: scrichy84
Title: Member
Status: Offline
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Corvallis, OR
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
Your Ride: 1995 325i (Sold), 2004 Tacoma (Sold), 2006 Jetta TDI, 2007 Rabbit
That was a great short story, you started off my day with a laugh!
__________________
Scrichy84: 1995 325i sold, 2004 Tacoma sold, 2006 TDi Jetta, 2007 Rabbit
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2006, 11:10 AM   #3
Storamin
 
Storamin's Avatar

Name: Storamin
Title: Road Kill
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
Your Ride: 1994 325is, 2000 z3 2.3
good story... i love metros heh
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2006, 12:13 PM   #4
Hoppy
 
Hoppy's Avatar

Name: Hoppy
Title: fueled by bourbon
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Agawam/Bridgewater,MA
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
haha i love it everytime. how ever. may i present... THE OVER KILL by torque

Quote:
Thursday afternoon. Perfect weather with mild sunshine... I aproach a light maybe a couple of miles from my house. Work was a real bitch that day, so I'm feeling very cocky. I sure wouldn't mind a good race.

I guess that God was tuned in to my frequency that hour... He answered the prayer. Next to me, in the right lane pulled up a large vehicle. I look over, his 24s with massive rubber sitting higher than my roof... I think to myself "WIGGER". At this time, his engine starts to growl louder and louder, his exhaust fumes filling the peaceful alley. I open the sunroof, so I could see the driver. A wigger indeed.

I think to myself, no way this shmuck is revving at me. I glance at the gauges, my engine singing at around 700 rpm, one of the 12 lifters ticking slowly... At this point the driver of this large piece of machinery moves up over the line. 'No' I think to myself. If he gets the jump on me I will have great problems reeling him in. I move up as well. I put my seat in the upright position, giving me the commanding view of the road, so I don't slaughter any pedestrians while in the process of racing this turbocharged diesel beast putting down more torque at idle than I do at 5500 rpm.

The opposing light turns yellow, the driver looks down through my sunroof... I glance back. He is gripping his steering wheel with both hands wrapped in fine leather gloves. At this point I am thinking "Whoa, not only a wigger, but possibly a drug dealer since he can afford those fine leather gloves. I glance once more and he gives a big grin.

Our light hits green, I nail it. The almighty m20 comes to life. The growl of air going through the crack on the intake pipe overcomes the noise that lifter is making, and I lurch forward. Surprisingly, I never lose traction. I keep going... 2k, 3k, 4k rpm, 4500 I let the tranny go to second. I glance in the mirror, he is about half a buslenght behind...using the formula 1BL = 3CL that comes out to be 1.5 actual carlenghts that he is behind.

I put the foot down all the way through second, now already going for a overkill. Hell, I don't get many races around here, so I might as well just slaughter him.

At around 53 mph I let off and cruise. The giant white beast already a city block behind - I have won. I tap the brakes twice and drop the speed down to 49 to cruise.

Now I think to myself "Maybe he had problems launching, and wants to go from a roll". I know his massive diesel torque would own me, but I brake hard, car sliding left to right, as I struggle to stay in my left lane. The bus is coming up, his lights getting larger. I wait, and as he is about 2 car lengths behind I blip the throttle twice. He doesn't respond, and without ever signaling takes a hard right. I guess he was too embarassed.

So, I beat a large white vehicle running 24s and KY Lotto banners on his sides. His Turbodiesel Rear engine - rear wheel drive was no match for the m20 powere 5 series. I guess he might be on a public transportation forum right now posting how he got slaughtered, so if you guys wanna see if you can find anything go ahead.
__________________
__________________
You know your a drunkard if you...
Think box wine is great; eagerly awaiting box whiskey.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RSF5
Well yeah, the BATFE is like the Anti Hoppy.
Well hey, hey Mr. Policeman
Bet I can drive faster than you can
Come on Hoss, let's have some fun
Go on shoot me with your radar gun
You look bored and I sure am
Catch me if you can.
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2006, 09:26 PM   #5
Section_8
 
Section_8's Avatar

Name: Section_8
Title: United Newb
Status: Offline
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The ATL
Rate My Car: 42 / 340
Your Ride: 2000 Alpine Weiss Snail
I love these kinda stories!
__________________
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2006, 09:39 PM   #6
witeshark
 
witeshark's Avatar

Name: witeshark
Title: Suspended License
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Miami FL
Rate My Car: 84 / 340
Your Ride: 89 325i 5 speed
Yup! Fun reading!
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2006, 10:14 PM   #7
TJsBimm

Name: TJsBimm
Title: Senior Member
Status: Offline
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: ON Canada
Rate My Car: 224 / 340
Your Ride: 97 328i
Funny story, here's a Festiva for ya
Attached Images
File Type: jpg 006fiesta.jpg (31.1 KB, 14 views)
__________________
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2006, 11:01 PM   #8
Section_8
 
Section_8's Avatar

Name: Section_8
Title: United Newb
Status: Offline
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The ATL
Rate My Car: 42 / 340
Your Ride: 2000 Alpine Weiss Snail
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJsBimm
Funny story, here's a Festiva for ya

NICE!

I bet that's a bitch to get going up a hill from a stop, all that unsprung weight on the axles.. I feel bad for the car, ugly as it is it's been mistreated worse!
__________________
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2006, 11:06 PM   #9
witeshark
 
witeshark's Avatar

Name: witeshark
Title: Suspended License
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Miami FL
Rate My Car: 84 / 340
Your Ride: 89 325i 5 speed
It's one of the funniest car pics I ever saw
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Ferrari School c1apton Other Makes And Models 2 03-17-2006 12:46 AM
good school pranks? craig United Off Topic  **FOR MEMBERS ONLY** 45 02-17-2006 08:30 PM
Catholic School Teacher Arrested komodo United Off Topic  **FOR MEMBERS ONLY** 11 09-21-2005 03:59 AM
What school are you going to next year? Chris United Off Topic  **FOR MEMBERS ONLY** 35 06-28-2005 12:14 AM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:14 PM.

A vBSkinworks Design

 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright © 2005-2013 UnitedBimmer.com