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Comedy Collection
Post up anything funny you find online here. Could be flash videos, amusing websites, text jokes, anything.

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Old 09-25-2005, 10:08 PM   #1
xsperf
 
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Name: xsperf
Title: United Baller
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Syracuse, NY
Rate My Car: 185 / 340
Your Ride: 95 325is
Men have had enough, sorry for long list i didnt make it up

# If you think you're fat, you probably are . Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
# Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
# If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
# Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.
# One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
# Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
# If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
# Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
# Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
# Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
# When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
# You have enough clothes.
# You have too many shoes.
# Crying is blackmail.
# Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work.
# Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
# No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.
# Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
# Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
# Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
# Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
# Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
# A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor, or don't get mad when we do what we have to do to get what we need!
# Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
# Check your oil.
# It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
# Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
# If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
# Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
# You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both.
# Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
# ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
# If it itches, it will be scratched.
# Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
# If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
# We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
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I keep forgetting that - I have a great memory but it doesn't last long

CRS disease = Can't Remeber Shit
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Old 09-25-2005, 10:12 PM   #2
komodo
 
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Name: komodo
Title: Administrator
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Athens, GA
Rate My Car: 68 / 340
Your Ride: 1995 M3
Ouch, that's harsh! Haha, I hope my gf doesn't read this list.
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Old 09-25-2005, 10:14 PM   #3
xsperf
 
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Name: xsperf
Title: United Baller
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Syracuse, NY
Rate My Car: 185 / 340
Your Ride: 95 325is
hahaha yea
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Quote:
Originally Posted by c1apton
I keep forgetting that - I have a great memory but it doesn't last long

CRS disease = Can't Remeber Shit
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Old 09-25-2005, 10:46 PM   #4
nick_318is
 
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Name: nick_318is
Title: Suspended License
Status: Offline
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Detroit, MI, I Heart E30s
Rate My Car: 10 / 340
Your Ride: 1991 318is (e30 m42), 2007 Mazdaspeed 3
Harsh list but so true.
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Old 09-25-2005, 10:58 PM   #5
DEATH2000
 
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Name: DEATH2000
Title: Moderator
Status: Offline
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Rate My Car: 111 / 340
Your Ride: 1998 E36 328i sedan
so true so true
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New to United Bimmer? Check out our Introductions and Greetings Section and introduce yourself today!

E36 Bentley Manual PDF download avilable HERE
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Old 09-26-2005, 02:45 AM   #6
Chris
 
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Name: Chris
Title: Visiting Mod
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
Your Ride: Whatever I can get my hands on
i think my girlfriend is on here. because she says things sometimes that makes me think that she see's some of the things i post.

the final one on that list should hae been

# Anything we say behind your back we say because we don't want you to hear it. Stop snooping. you're only gonna find what you didn't want to know.
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Old 09-26-2005, 05:34 AM   #7
Dudesky

Name: Dudesky
Title: Run Far
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Jersey City, NJ
Rate My Car: 106 / 340
Your Ride: E39 530iA
#Check your oil. They should have included tires.
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