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Comedy Collection
Post up anything funny you find online here. Could be flash videos, amusing websites, text jokes, anything.

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Old 06-29-2005, 01:52 PM   #1
komodo
 
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Weight Loss Program

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lb. due to very serious health risks.

As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS ROGRAM.

"Guaranteed. Yeah right!" he thought to himself. But desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3-day/10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there's a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old young lady dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me!"

Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and is too tired to have his way with her.

After they are rested and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business!" The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens.

The fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me."

He's out the door after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a very long while to catch her, but when he does, he is cramping and wheezing. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself and found he has lost another 20 lb as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7- day/50 pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone.

"This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years.

"The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine."
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Old 06-29-2005, 01:57 PM   #2
ChrisWorrell

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Heard it before but with a better ending

"The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine."
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Old 06-29-2005, 08:56 PM   #3
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HOLY SHIT!
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Old 06-29-2005, 09:15 PM   #4
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AHAHAHAHAHAHA man if only jenny craig did something like that, maybe more guy would work out


EDIT: Congrats chris, that was ur 500th post ^^
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Old 06-29-2005, 09:32 PM   #5
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Nice
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Old 07-03-2005, 09:59 AM   #6
528man

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haha heard it before, but still got me laughing
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