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Comedy Collection
Post up anything funny you find online here. Could be flash videos, amusing websites, text jokes, anything.

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Old 09-22-2005, 12:45 PM   #1
komodo
 
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Location: Athens, GA
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The Laws of a Ricer

THE LAWS OF THE RICER

Law#1-Pronounce N.O.S. as one word (NAWS).
Law#2-When you are outpowered, call people out with your friends car.
Law#3-Have an aftermarket body kit installed (Lips not included).
Law#4-Use of neons or L.E.D.'s to light up your car.
Law#5-Use an aftermarket tachometer...when your car already has a working stock tachometer in it.
Law#6-You must install a non-functional wing/spoiler on the back of your car.
Law#7-Names of performance parts on your car that you dont have.
Law#8-Claim to beat cars that your car is totally uncapable of beating.
Law#9-Magazine race.
Law#10-Install racing seats on a car that runs a 14 second or slower quarter mile.
Law#11-Listing stereo equiptment or any visual mod when listing all your performance mods.
Law#12-Believe that Honda invented VTEC.
Law#13-Putting sub-brand labels on your car...example:Honda emblems on an Acura, Audi on a VW..ect.
Law#14-Install an aftermarket duel-exhaust on a 4-cylinder.
Law#15-Make your exhaust sound like a lawn-mower.
Law#16-Buy a nitrous system just to purge.
Law#17-Using car donughts and calling them "skinnies".
Law#18-Mounting smaller tires to decrease gear ratio.
Law#19-Multi collored body panels.
Law#20-Claiming horse power and quarter mile times with out testing or proof.
Law#21-Talk about how fast your car will be once you buy and install all the parts.
Law#22-performing the ricer flyby
Law#23-fliping your hazard lights,during/after a loss or during a flyby
Law#24-subscribing to super street/sportcompact car
Law#25-boasting about your interior/power windows/sporty looks
Law#26-Say you lost because your car is running on a ****ty tune and needs to be tuned.......... when you're on the stock computer...
Law#27-rev @ every car on the road that will eat you(no matter what direction they are going)
Law#28-if some challenges you 2 a race you have 2 options
a.race and when you lose go to ws and lie your butt off
b.tell em they are a waste of time
Law#29-my clutch is slipping,
Law#30-If lose i missed a gear,
Law#31-or my vtec was set to low,
Law#32-when the vinyl work is worth more than the car,
Law#33-also calling the skinnies here is known as dookies,
Law#34-when someone does a neutral drop in an automatic,
Law#35-bouncing off the revlimiter more than once
Law#36-I started in 2nd intstead of 1st
Law#37-My shift light went off late
Law#38-I didnt catch posi trac on that one
Law#39-My shift nob came off (srt humor)
Law#40-Did you know green meant GO!
Law#41-My vtec juice light was flashing
Law#42-my trunk was weighed down from my 12s
Law#43-my strut bar snapped
Law#44-my neonlight valve stem covers are robbing hp
Law#45-I didnt double clutch like i should have
Law#46-If I didnt blow the welds on the intake i sure poop my pants on that one
Law#47-If the wing is bigger than the blechers at your local high school
Law#48-When the exhaust consist of coat hangers and jb weld
Law#49-Yeah its got about 5000 dollars invested in it ( and it looks like poop)
Law#50-Its a prototype that no one has (built from duct tape and blue glue and pvc piping)
Law#51-driving in and out of traffic with your vtak thinking you have a fast car
Law#52-Getting your #s from a g-tech or some other similar meter.
Law#53-using chicken wire as a mesh grill
Law#54-Remove your hubcaps and paint yer steelies to match the car
Law#55-Account at pepboys
Law#56-own both F+F and have ticket reserved for the third
Law#57-Cutting your factory springs to lower your car
Law#58-Having gauges that do not work
Law#59-When one car in the whole world runs 10s and you think your car is fast.
Law#60-Having a body kit and no plans on painting it
Law#61-When you double side tape parts to the car and expect them to hold up at 100 mph
Law#62-"Yeah its VTEC, but its not hooked up yet"
Law#63-When you consider primer as a color choice
Law#64-When you tell people it has a 9000 rpm redline and can only turn 6700
Law#65-58 if your name is Goki
Law#66-z3 fender flares on an import
Law#67-if you talk about owning a skyline someday and you drive a civic
Law#68-having windshield washer squirters with lights in them
Law#69-Cutting your factory springs to lower your car
Law#70-You refer as everything being JDM
Law#71-someone asks you if you have a turbo and you reply "not YET!"
Law#72-Tell people you are running nitrous,when its really N.O.S. octane booster.
Law#73-who the flip knows....driving around some highschool parking lot 3 hours after schools out trying to pick up chicks
Law#74-taking your 50whp civic to a dyno when it's stock
Law#75-When you manually shift an automatic
Law#76-Going to the dragstrip with slicks and running a 16.05 in the 1/8
Law#77-When you drive around months at a time with spare tires on the front and custom rims in the back.
Law#78-All you do is brag about how much of a street racer you are
Law#79-Asking about staggared fitment rims on a FWD car.
Law#80-When your car consist of a GTR badge on the car and is not a skyline
Law#81-Its got a rotary motor in it and you drive a mustang
Law#82-you claim your car is fast then get butthurt so you claim your car is an autoX car.
Law#83-you post pics of your parents car and claim it for you own
Law#84-when you compare your $35k car to a $20k car
Law#85-List motor oil as a mod
Law#86-When your car has more torque in the lug nuts than in the motor
Law#87-list winshield wipers as a mod and carbon fiber pedals
Law#88-When your car has more than one squash air freshner in it
Law#89-When you transform your car into something else with a headlight swap and taillight swap
Law#90-When someone ask you if its mandrel bent or crush piping and you have no answer
Law#91-When you stick the rim and tire out further than the fenders and you use curb feelers to keep from messing them up.
Law#92-when your body kit is held on by sheet rock screws and thumb tacks
Law#93-If you "fat arm" out the window with a sideways cap.
Law#94-If you are 5'2 and you drive in the back seat
Law#95-when you have more switches than a hydralic car and have no hydralics
Law#96-If you have to beg your parents to drive the civic
Law#97-when you de-badge your GST ecplise of LX civic because its the suck model
Law#98-windshield sticker saying powered by....(127 @the crank yeah thats power)
Law#99-When one car in the whole world runs 10s and you think your car is fast.
Law#100-when your sn is qwerty
Law#101-You remove every piece of your interior and you still run 15's
Law#102-you have diamond plate floormats
Law#103-you have a racing harness on your stock civic lx seat
Law#104-you make your own intake out of pvc pipe
Law#105-you know what jdm means
Law#106-you have hubcaps that resemble rims
Law#107-you drive any korean car and "mod" it
Law#108-if you have an AEM license plate frame
Law#109-if you put 18, 19, or 20" rims on a sport compact.
Law#110-Japanese writing on a domestic car
Law#111-Put racing gas in ur stock civic lx
Law#112-If you spraypaint your interior
Law#113-if you don't make fun of ricers
Law#114-If you are getting angry while reading this list
Law#115-the local tow truck service is on speed dial
Law#116-the local performance shop is on speed dial
Law#117-someone yells got rice and your mom pulls up in the catering truck
Law#118-your in the performance shop to look @ poop you cant buy untill payday..and it never comes
Law#119-put lambo doors on
Law#120-You join CLUBRSX , not to goof on them, but because you actually think they are fast
Law#121-Calling your flat, bald street tires "Slicks"
Law#123-you drive in 1st gear 90% of the time so you can hear the vtec whine
Law#124-If you buy an srt design
Law#125-you have a bumper sticker that says drive it like you stole it
Law#126-your keychain says aem/tanabe/greddy/typeR/si/mugen/....
Law#127-you play nfsu2 everyday
Law#128-you try to spell as many words linked to honda with your alphabets cereal
Law#129-You treat your nfsu2 car like its a real car
Law#130-Type-R
Law#131-I will own you in the twisties
Law#132-You have a V6 camaro/mustang and spend enough money to buy a V8 just to make people think it's a V8.
Law#133-You've ever swung in behind a car (at 50 mph) in an attempt to draft.
Law#134-When you lose you say "But your car has 4 more cylinders"
Law#135-when you lose you say "Imagine if Honda made an engine as big as yours, because my 4 cylindler has 100 HP/Liter!"
Law#136-You think you stand a chance against all Mustangs and Camaro's because they are heavy
Law#137-You have a Vin Diesel poster
Law#138-You buy a civic, add a cold air intake and cat back exhaust, add 200 lbs of stereo equipment and brag about how much faster it is than when it was stock.
Law#139-You try explaining why vtec is better than a turbo charger
Law#140-You have to let the passengers know when you're flooring it (Thanks, Broken )
Law#141-If you know you can't win, you dump the clutch at 8,000 RPM's and say you couldn't hook up, but at least you looked cool
Law#142-The only 2 exotic cars you can name are Supra and Skyline.
Law#143-You think taking 200 lbs off your car will make up for being 200 HP underpowered in comparison to your opponent.
Law#144-You put slicks on your car and only agree to race in the rain, just so you have an excuse.
Law#145-If you tell the story of how your friend has such a fast car, he put a $10 bill on the dash, floored it, and you couldn't reach it on the dash because you were too pinned in your seat.
Law#146-When you claim to race a stock automatic cobra.
Law#147-When your cardomain site has a 'future mods' list.
Law#148-When you have 12 inch deep dish rims.
Law#149-When you can shoot a grapefruit from your exhaust tip
Law#150-LED exhaust tips.
Law#151-When you have NOS seat covers.
Law#152-TRIPLE LIMO TINTED WINDOWS!
Law#153-When you have competitve races with cars- that dont know they are racing.
Law#154-Put the car (automatic) in neutral on hills so that it rolls back like a manual and then go into drive when the light turns green.
Law#155-Form opinions on cars you know nothing about.
Law#156-Walmart is your #1 Auto Parts Supplier.
Law#157-when you scream VTAK out the window cause you think it makes the car faster.
Law#158-starting a poll about who would win in a race before you race.
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Old 09-22-2005, 01:06 PM   #2
dinan540
 
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I love your list, I haven't made it through yet. I think I will print it, it is so true
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Old 09-22-2005, 01:12 PM   #3
donald1476

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I disagree with a few of those, but mostly true/funny
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Old 09-22-2005, 02:35 PM   #4
gotKRAUT

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these are reasons im not a ricer right?

i agree like "racing seats in a car that doesnt run 14's" wtf? racing seats arent for drag racing, they are for cornering...who ever wrote that needs to be educated...i think the writer was a self ricist
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Old 09-22-2005, 07:15 PM   #5
xsperf
 
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lol, i didnt read through the whole thing, but let me add one

#159: your rotors can fit in your exhaust tip, you may be able to shove your pinky finger in your exhaust pipe
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Old 09-22-2005, 07:26 PM   #6
gotKRAUT

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Quote:
Originally Posted by xsperf
lol, i didnt read through the whole thing, but let me add one

#159: your rotors can fit in your exhaust tip, you may be able to shove your pinky finger in your exhaust pipe
that made no sense


so a rotor is at least 9" in diameter...not a pinky is about 1/2" in diameter...what you lost me at was the relevance of the pinky comment...
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Old 09-22-2005, 07:57 PM   #7
defkon99
 
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LMAO whew ! .. Nice list! i see probably half that list a day
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Old 09-22-2005, 08:03 PM   #8
xsperf
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gotKRAUT
that made no sense


so a rotor is at least 9" in diameter...not a pinky is about 1/2" in diameter...what you lost me at was the relevance of the pinky comment...
when i quoted your comment you told people to stop quoting you.. and it seems that you are doing the same to me and its pissing me off

if it made no senes to you than thats your problem, but i will explain it for the EXTREMELY slow minded where i dont see there is any complication in what i said

ok so you understood the rotor part, the pinky part is referring to the exhaust pipe(not the tip) meaning the pipe that comes from the cat to the muffler, may not be the downpipe, some cars dont have downpipes, but i was making a statement that the exhaust pipe itself is tiny and the muffler is huge(on the other end)
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Originally Posted by c1apton
I keep forgetting that - I have a great memory but it doesn't last long

CRS disease = Can't Remeber Shit
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Old 09-22-2005, 08:13 PM   #9
donald1476

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How can you add one if you didnt read the list?
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Old 09-22-2005, 08:30 PM   #10
xsperf
 
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because the list still exists whether i read it or not
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Quote:
Originally Posted by c1apton
I keep forgetting that - I have a great memory but it doesn't last long

CRS disease = Can't Remeber Shit
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Old 08-07-2006, 04:25 PM   #11
white
 
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best thing I've read all day.....
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Old 08-07-2006, 04:48 PM   #12
beem

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lmao!! good stuff! i do have a question about #12 though.. Anyone know who invented VTEC??? I always thought it was honda
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Old 08-07-2006, 10:25 PM   #13
witeshark
 
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Honda makes Vtec. And the list rules. The funniest part is that it's all pretty much true!
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Old 08-08-2006, 08:48 AM   #14
celsdogg
 
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^^^ but vtec is pretty much just variable valve timing, and im pretty sure they didnt come up with that idea.
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Old 08-08-2006, 09:13 AM   #15
beem

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hey accordring to wikipedia:

General Motors patented the first variable valve timing and lift or smart valve system in September of 1975. GM was interested in throttling the intake valves in order to reduce emissions. This was done by minimizing the amount of lift at low load to keep the intake velocity higher, thereby atomizing the intake charge. GM encountered problems running at very low lift, and abandoned the project.
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