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Comedy Collection
Post up anything funny you find online here. Could be flash videos, amusing websites, text jokes, anything.

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Unread 05-12-2005, 06:03 PM   #1

Name: Rooz
Title: Upgraded Member
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Charlotte, NC
Rate My Car: 5 / 340
Your Ride: 2003 M5
Bank Drive through

Please note that the HSBC Bank is installing new "drive thru" cashpoint machines, customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving there vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.

Please read the procedure that refers to your own circumstances (Male or Female) and remember them for when you use the machine for the 1st time.


1) Drive up to cash machine.

2) Wind down your car window.

3) Insert card into machine and enter pin.

4) Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5) Wind up window.

6) Drive off.


1) Drive up to cash machine.

2) Reverse back the required amount to align car window to cash machine.

3) Restart the stalled engine.

4) Wind down the window.

5) Find handbag,remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

6) Turn the radio down.

7) Attempt to insert card into cash machine.

8) Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to excessive distance from the car.

9) Insert card.

10) Re-insert card the right way up.

11) Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

12) Enter PIN

13) Press cancel and re-enter PIN

14) Enter amount of cash required.

15) Check make up in rear view mirror.

16) Retrieve cash and receipt.

17) Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.

18) Place receipt in back of cheque book.

19) Recheck make up again.

20) Drive forward 2 meters.

21) Reverse back to cash machine.

22) Retrieve card

23) Re-empty handbag,locate card holder and place card into slot provided.

24) Restart stalled engine and proceed.

25) Drive for 2-3 miles.

26) Release handbrake.


I am worth $2,010,238 on HumanForSale.com

Originally Posted by Gregg
Umnitza now provides a mechanic to install all parts ordered right in the box! It's their new "Total customer service program" that will eliminate all the haters and keep incompetents from breaking **** and blaming the vendor! When you are all set simply call INS and they will pick him up free of charge.
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Unread 05-12-2005, 08:36 PM   #2
komodo's Avatar

Name: komodo
Title: Administrator
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Athens, GA
Rate My Car: 68 / 340
Your Ride: 1995 M3
HAHA! #22 and #26.

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Unread 05-12-2005, 08:38 PM   #3
xsperf's Avatar

Name: xsperf
Title: United Baller
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Syracuse, NY
Rate My Car: 185 / 340
Your Ride: 95 325is
i love the last part.. drive for atleast 2 - 3 miles.. release handbrake.. that is soo true lol

Originally Posted by c1apton
I keep forgetting that - I have a great memory but it doesn't last long

CRS disease = Can't Remeber Shit
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Unread 05-12-2005, 09:47 PM   #4
DEATH2000's Avatar

Name: DEATH2000
Title: Moderator
Status: Offline
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Rate My Car: 111 / 340
Your Ride: 1998 E36 328i sedan
AHHAHA my moms done #26 for about 30-40 kms. it was sooo funny when she rembered


New to United Bimmer? Check out our Introductions and Greetings Section and introduce yourself today!

E36 Bentley Manual PDF download avilable HERE
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Unread 05-13-2005, 11:05 PM   #5
witeshark's Avatar

Name: witeshark
Title: Suspended License
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Miami FL
Rate My Car: 84 / 340
Your Ride: 89 325i 5 speed
Send a message via AIM to witeshark
That is sooo outstanding!
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Unread 05-14-2005, 08:00 PM   #6

Name: 528man
Title: Senior Member
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Greensboro, NC 27407-5254
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
hahaha 26 is the killer
1997 528i
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