Go Back   United Bimmer Community - BMW Forum > UnitedBimmer- Off Topic > United Off Topic  **FOR MEMBERS ONLY** > Comedy Collection
FAQ Members List Calendar Advertise With Us Mark Forums Read

Comedy Collection
Post up anything funny you find online here. Could be flash videos, amusing websites, text jokes, anything.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 03-01-2006, 11:58 AM   #1
craig
 
craig's Avatar

Name: craig
Title: Sitting in Time out
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: tribune kansas
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
little johnny

Little Johnny's Teacher

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am," he replied, "but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"


Little Johnny's Beautiful Mom

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"


Little Johnny's Candy Bars

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat six candy bars at a time?"

Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own business!"


Little Johnny's Aching Side

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially interested when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."


Little Johnny Knows His Numbers

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2006, 01:43 PM   #2
DEATH2000
 
DEATH2000's Avatar

Name: DEATH2000
Title: Moderator
Status: Offline
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Rate My Car: 111 / 340
Your Ride: 1998 E36 328i sedan
LOL nice
__________________


VIEW MY E36 BLOG HERE

New to United Bimmer? Check out our Introductions and Greetings Section and introduce yourself today!

E36 Bentley Manual PDF download avilable HERE
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2006, 03:43 PM   #3
komodo
 
komodo's Avatar

Name: komodo
Title: Administrator
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Athens, GA
Rate My Car: 68 / 340
Your Ride: 1995 M3
Haha
__________________

  Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2006, 07:23 PM   #4
xsperf
 
xsperf's Avatar

Name: xsperf
Title: United Baller
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Syracuse, NY
Rate My Car: 185 / 340
Your Ride: 95 325is
the first 2 and the last are the best.. oh and the one with the pain and the wife.. haha
__________________

Quote:
Originally Posted by c1apton
I keep forgetting that - I have a great memory but it doesn't last long

CRS disease = Can't Remeber Shit
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
"D.J." jokes (possible NWS) c1apton Comedy Collection
3 01-22-2006 06:21 PM
Funny joke EnvyM3 Comedy Collection
3 05-11-2005 12:17 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:41 AM.

A vBSkinworks Design

 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright © 2005-2013 UnitedBimmer.com