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Comedy Collection
Post up anything funny you find online here. Could be flash videos, amusing websites, text jokes, anything.

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Old 09-18-2005, 01:25 AM   #1
xsperf
 
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Joke of the day!!

cmon guys, you have to help me out, but lets have 1 joke a day.. only 1 though!


A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you."

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.

"Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement.
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I keep forgetting that - I have a great memory but it doesn't last long

CRS disease = Can't Remeber Shit
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Old 09-18-2005, 12:00 PM   #2
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Haha! Nice. Saw it coming though.
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Old 09-18-2005, 12:42 PM   #3
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Day 2:
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week.

The next week the lady goes back to his office. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly!"

The doctor says, "Good, Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
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I keep forgetting that - I have a great memory but it doesn't last long

CRS disease = Can't Remeber Shit
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Old 09-18-2005, 03:45 PM   #4
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Are you in my MSC 300 class, becasue I just heard that joke the other day, except it was a guy in the version i heard
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Old 09-18-2005, 03:46 PM   #5
xsperf
 
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nope, i dont even know what MSC 300 is. haha.. im still a little kid in high school
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I keep forgetting that - I have a great memory but it doesn't last long

CRS disease = Can't Remeber Shit
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Old 09-18-2005, 04:37 PM   #6
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Haha...
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Old 09-19-2005, 05:36 PM   #7
528man

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User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
lol
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Old 09-19-2005, 07:59 PM   #8
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Day 3

btw: cmon guys someone else post jokes!

A PETA protester screamed at the woman in a fur coat, "Don't you realize some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that fur?"

Unfazed, the woman replied, "That's true, but think of what I had to go through! I dated him!"
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I keep forgetting that - I have a great memory but it doesn't last long

CRS disease = Can't Remeber Shit
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Old 09-20-2005, 03:06 PM   #9
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Ok I know I'm a girl and I shouldn't think this is funny...but it is:

On a farm lived a chicken and a horse, and both loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new BMW Z3. Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his erect member and lifted him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?

When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
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Old 09-20-2005, 05:09 PM   #10
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^^^ ahahahah ive seen that, i love it
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Old 09-20-2005, 09:33 PM   #11
xsperf
 
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a little disturbing.. but funny haha, oh and i appreciate you posting a joke
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Originally Posted by c1apton
I keep forgetting that - I have a great memory but it doesn't last long

CRS disease = Can't Remeber Shit
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Old 09-21-2005, 01:17 PM   #12
komodo
 
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Awesome. haha

We should probably make different threads for each joke though, that way when you're trying to skim over the listing of threads to find a specific joke, you can find it easier.
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Old 09-21-2005, 03:30 PM   #13
xsperf
 
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ok, different threads it is, besides, i guess people will check it more often if it was 2 diff. threads
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I keep forgetting that - I have a great memory but it doesn't last long

CRS disease = Can't Remeber Shit
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