WOW, I started this post and was amazed to see that it's still going. I still haven't fixed my wiper problem. My solution was to just not drive it when it was going to rain. Sad, I know.
Well after reading, you guys have me motivated.
@Big Evil or anyone else, do you happen to know what the cost of a "Body Control Module" is? Is it something I can trust if I get one from the salvage yard?