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-   -   You Might Be a Ricer If.... (http://www.unitedbimmer.com/forums/showthread.php?t=942)

komodo 05-10-2005 10:51 AM

You Might Be a Ricer If....
*You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.
*You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
*Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
*You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission
*DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
*Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
*A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
*Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
*The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
*Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1".
*Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.
*You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
*You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.
*You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
*You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
*You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
*Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...
*The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
*You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
*You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
*You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.
*You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
*You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
*If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
*if you can fit fist fùck your exhaust tip
*You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!
*If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.
*Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second *faster due to weight savings.
*EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.
*You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang
*You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
*You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the *Chevy Corvette.
*The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.
*If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
*You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance
*If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
*If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
*If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.
*If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.
*Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive (the first sign of mental retardation, wearing your clothes backwards... BE).
*You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...
*If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.
*If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.
*MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
*Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
*Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")
*The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.
*If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
*If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.
*If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
*You think pushrods are a bad thing…
*Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.
*Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
*You took your rear seat out and gutted your interior for weight savings but you installed 400 *pounds of electronics, neon, DVD, Sony, etc.
*If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…
*You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that everytime you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
*You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
*If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
*You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
*If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance" went hand in hand
*If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
*If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…
*If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...
*If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...
*You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and it's peeling. Badly.
*You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.
*You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
*If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
*You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool
*You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible
*If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers
*If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators
*You have a front wing.
*If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers
*If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™
*If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool
*If you think colored head lights work better
*If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it
*You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch
*You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
*You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.
*You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.
*You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..
*Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.
*Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills".
*you are a white kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."
*drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
*You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring
*You take offense when I say.. "your sister is like your car.. small, tight, and hard to get into."

beem 05-10-2005 11:24 AM

haha i love that!! esp that last line!

witeshark 05-10-2005 12:57 PM

HAHAHAHA! The rear wing and rear window center brake light is my fav!! I've seen cars with 3 :laugh

beem 05-10-2005 01:05 PM

im going into town right now, and its is full of these.. half of them arent even imports though.. im talking cav's and neonss.. ill try to bring back some pics.. :)

ps.. i even saw a van with a can!! It was the best thing ever!

komodo 05-10-2005 01:14 PM


Originally Posted by beem
i even saw a van with a can!! It was the best thing ever!

:uphaha haha!

guywithblack88e30 05-10-2005 02:46 PM

you have more stickers then engine mods
you have stickers of things you never had on your car like nos, type-R, etc...
you might be a ricer if your car looks simaliar to this or your car is this http://img75.echo.cx/img75/1271/meanricer9oy.jpg

Joey 05-10-2005 02:50 PM


Originally Posted by komodo
"*The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months..."

Oh, Dan...

I saw a Toyota Echo (whichever is exclusively the four-door) with a coffee can on my way to the Pittsburgh airport once. I thought his muffler had rusted off or something, but when he passed..oh man.

beem 05-10-2005 02:54 PM

one thing i dont get.. is if the car is cheap and slow and has no potential.. why do people even bother?? That boggles my mind.. waste of time and money!!

beem 05-10-2005 03:05 PM

haha man i just read it all again.. im cracking up here.. 1" to 6" pipe!! HAHAHA this is sooo funny... maybe its the time of day but im rolling on the floor..

Torque 05-10-2005 04:55 PM


Originally Posted by beem
one thing i dont get.. is if the car is cheap and slow and has no potential.. why do people even bother?? That boggles my mind.. waste of time and money!!

Yeah, look at us 2; we know they're slow so we don't even bother. We just keep saving for a faster one. :)

btw, That list said 'Torque' at least 4 times.

beem 05-10-2005 05:01 PM

haha true.. Well i do condition my seats once in a while.. it says on the bottle that it adds 2 hp per seat.. pretty good.. oh and its illegal. its from canada.

bitcore 05-10-2005 05:31 PM

*You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!

I guess most of us are ricers then... What is our (3 series) stock system "rated at", 300W? it's probably 150WRMS

SHAHAB323IS 05-10-2005 05:33 PM

that's hilarious, i still don't know what goes through someones mind when they put on a body kit and don't paint it for 2 years, i just don't get it

B3M2W5i 05-11-2005 09:15 AM

you might be a ricer if your table is on your car

94bmw325i 05-11-2005 12:07 PM

haha ricers with their huge exhausts. I need to tell them to come over and do my landscaping with their lawnmower sounding cars. :D

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