Go Back   United Bimmer Community - BMW Forum > UnitedBimmer- Off Topic > Comedy Collection
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Advertise With Us Mark Forums Read

Welcome to the United Bimmer Community - BMW Forum forums.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Comedy Collection Post up anything funny you find online here. Could be flash videos, amusing websites, text jokes, anything.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 06-22-2005, 12:53 PM   #1
htp.bmw

Name: htp.bmw
Title: Member
Status: Offline
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Nevada City, California
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
Loosing Weight the fun way

Losing Weight the Fun Way

It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until recently nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric expenditure of different sexual activities. Now after original and proprietary research they are proud to present the results.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent....................... 12 Calories
Without her consent.................... 187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands........................ 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... 12 Calories
With your teeth........................ 85 Calories

PUTTING ON A PRESERVATIVE:
With an erection....................... 6 Calories
Without an erection.................... 315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary............................. 12 Calories
69 lying down.......................... 78 Calories
69 standing up......................... 112 Calories
Wheelbarrow............................ 216 Calories
Doggy Style............................ 326 Calories
Italian chandelier..................... 912 Calories

ORGASMING:
Real................................... 112 Calories
False.................................. 315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories
Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately......816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years old........................ 36 Calories
30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
40-49 years............................ 124 Calories
50-59 years............................ 972 Calories
60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories
70 and over......................... Results are still pending

DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
Calmly................................. 32 Calories
In a hurry............................. 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door... 1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories
  Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Old 06-22-2005, 01:27 PM   #2
Cellardoor

Name: Cellardoor
Title: Senior Member
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: RI
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
Your Ride: 95 M3
ahahahahahah

-Hutch-
__________________
///M Accelerate till you see GOD....then Brake

If life passes you by...............Downshift
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2005, 01:29 PM   #3
mullethunter3
 
mullethunter3's Avatar

Name: mullethunter3
Title: Upgraded Member
Status: Offline
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Saint Louis / RollaMO
Rate My Car: 125 / 245
Your Ride: 318is, Suzuki GS500
i'll send that to my boyfriend, he's been looking to loose some weight...
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2005, 04:17 PM   #4
Chris
 
Chris's Avatar

Name: Chris
Title: Visiting Mod
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
Your Ride: Whatever I can get my hands on
!!!!
__________________

Nuke (n): a large firework that makes pretty lights and large lakes out of annoying countries.
You have three choices, stand behind our troops, grab a gun and toe the line with our troops, or stand in front of them, they can use the extra armor.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2005, 09:23 PM   #5
witeshark
 
witeshark's Avatar

Name: witeshark
Title: Road Kill
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Miami FL
Rate My Car: 57 / 245
Your Ride: 89 325i 5 speed
That is totally hysterical
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-23-2005, 02:05 AM   #6
komodo
 
komodo's Avatar

Name: komodo
Title: Administrator
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Athens, GA
Rate My Car: 50 / 245
Your Ride: 1995 M3
Hahaha! Nice!
__________________

  Reply With Quote
Old 06-28-2005, 10:38 PM   #7
bmw4life

Name: bmw4life
Title: Addicted BMW Freak
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Hickory, NC
Rate My Car: 66 / 245
Quote:
Originally Posted by htp.bmw
Losing Weight the Fun Way

With your wife knocking at the door.... 3521 Calories
nice
__________________
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-29-2005, 12:44 PM   #8
94bmw325i
 
94bmw325i's Avatar

Name: 94bmw325i
Title: Hellrot325
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Newark, Delaware
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
Your Ride: 94 bmw 325i, 97 vw golf
hahaha
__________________
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-02-2005, 01:02 PM   #9
528man

Name: 528man
Title: Senior Member
Status: Offline
Join Date: Apr 2005
User not setup in Rate My Car.
Click here to set it up.
hahahhaha
__________________
1997 528i
  Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
New RSM's and some weight reduction.. catalyst E36 12 11-29-2005 10:56 AM
oil weight for 1987 325is Rob Baedeker E21, E30 4 08-16-2005 01:42 PM
Weight Loss Program komodo Comedy Collection 5 07-03-2005 10:59 AM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:04 AM.

A vBSkinworks Design

 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 2.4.0 © 2005, Crawlability, Inc.
Copyright © 2007 UnitedBimmer.com
Ad Management by RedTyger