United Bimmer Community - BMW Forum - Quantas,Had to share, just cleaning my comp

Airplane Deficiencies
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a
"gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form & then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots & the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
************************************************** **********************
P: Left inside main tire almost needs
replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, & be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget