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Comedy Collection Post up anything funny you find online here. Could be flash videos, amusing websites, text jokes, anything.
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Your Ride: Whatever I can get my hands on
The pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus.
They promised any general who retired straight away, his full annually benefits PLUS $10,000.00 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general's body between two points he chose.
(Something Congress came up with!)
The first general accepted.
He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. 6 feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000.00.
The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. 8 feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.00.
Meantime, the first general had tipped off the third.
When he was asked where to measure, he told the pension man. "From the tip of my penis to the tip of my balls."
The pension man said that would be fine but he'd better get the Medical Officer to do the measuring.
The Medical Officer attended and asked the general to drop 'em.
The Medical Officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back.
"My God!" he said, "where are your balls?"
Nuke (n): a large firework that makes pretty lights and large lakes out of annoying countries.
You have three choices, stand behind our troops, grab a gun and toe the line with our troops, or stand in front of them, they can use the extra armor.
Umnitza now provides a mechanic to install all parts ordered right in the box! It's their new "Total customer service program" that will eliminate all the haters and keep incompetents from breaking **** and blaming the vendor! When you are all set simply call INS and they will pick him up free of charge.