quick one liners

[Dr1ve4fun]

[drz]

:rofl:

[xsperf]

ahahahahahaha

[MTurboPower3]

aahahahahahaha WOW, credit card companies are assholes how could you charge someone if they're dead?

[MTurboPower3]

lmao

[nick_318is]

hahahahaha

[witeshark]

Originally Posted by RSF5

Dude can a mod put all of these into one thread?

Done

[stevo]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "Idon't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear.."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said,"Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.... but at least bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

[nick_318is]

^An oldie but a goodie.

[stevo]

A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word 'indefinitely'
in a sentence. Well, Little Johnny has his hand raised in the back of
the class.
But the teacher knows he's a trouble maker and that he doesn't know
the answer, so she calls on Jim.
Jim replies, "Due to the weather, school was canceled indefinitely."
"Good" the teacher replies. "What about you Jenny?"
Jenny says, "Since the bus broke down, transportation was stopped
indefinitely."
The teacher then says that the sentence was too much like the other
one, and she asks if anyone can use it in a different way. So there's
Little Johnny waving his hand. And the teacher thinks ... (Maybe he
really does know the answer), so she calls on him. Johnny stands up and says,

"As I felt my balls slap off her ass, I knew that I was in definitely!

[stevo]

What marriage is about

He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old
man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.

He placed one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles
and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down
between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people
around them kept looking over and whispering.

You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can
afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely
offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were
just fine - They were used to sharing everything.

The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She
sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the
drink.

Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal
for them. This time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to
sharing everything."

As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the
young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single
bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"

She answered
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"THE TEETH."

[Dr1ve4fun]

lol Maybe they should look on ebay.