Hum, all very good information... some things I haven't thought of. Btw, I posted this same thread on another forum (*cough* bf.c *cough*) and got a bunch of bs answers, not a single one helpful. You guys are awesome.
Update from last night (still haven't slept yet, and it's 8am right now):
My battery voltage is usually between 12 and 14 volts. We multimetered it, and it's 9.24volts. When I tried to crank it, it dropped down to around 6 while it was trying to start, then back up to around 9 when I stopped. That doesn't seem like it's enough power to start the car.... is it? Could that mean my battery is dieing and the alternator is fine?
Knowing that, does that affect your suggestions at all?