Hi, how are you?
I had a similar problem on my 93 e36. I found one bad connection on the imobiliser but that did'nt fix it either. I temporarily wired a new realy and fuse using the signal from the ecu and power from the the battery and temp wires to the pump and it worked, so that ruled out any ecu or relay problems. In the end i rewired the circuit out to the pump from the origional relay. through the car which is a real pain.
I think on my car that the fuse only has power to it when the relay pulls in.
The other unit behind drivers seat is another fuel guage sender, there is also one on the pump itself. The pump side has two plugs on it, the other only one.
I know my car is much older but it sounds exactly the same, also i had no warning, got home and the next morning it would'nt start.
Let me know how you get on.