Sh**. F**k. Damn. Sunufabiatch. I opened the cap on the reserve tank, and this is what I found . .
Thing is, I don't know what the hell to think. Oil in the cooling system without other noticeable symptoms is really odd to me. The oil dipstick, filler hole, and cap check out okay. No noticeable loss of power from engine, no funky smells, and the exhaust looks normal; no smoke, no discoloration at the muffler tips. No leaks on or near the engine block. Other than the oil in the coolant, there's nothing to indicate a possible head gasket problem.
Or maybe not yet? I don't know too much about the AC system; could this oil be coming from that? I pulled some fluid out onto a paper towel, and the oil is brown, definitely looks like engine oil. I did some searching, but I only found articles about coolant in the oil, not the other way around . . any thoughts or suggestions, other than riddling this stupid car with bullet holes?